Ivory Rose

Never in my life did I think I'd be this excited about a fake flower, yet here I am, practically doing cartwheels over a ceramic rose that's about as alive as my childhood dreams of becoming a professional juggler. This ivory beauty, no bigger than a squirrel's existential crisis, arrived in a gift box so fancy I briefly considered moving into it and subletting my apartment. As I lifted this June birth month flower from its posh packaging, I couldn't help but marvel at its keyhole back. Finally, a solution to the age-old question of how to decorate your walls without resorting to those motivational posters that always made me feel more guilty than inspired. "Hang in there," the cat says. Well, now I can hang this rose instead, thank you very much. This little ceramic wonder is the kind of abstract artwork that makes you feel cultured, even if your idea of high art is usually limited to the foam designs on your latte. It's the perfect blend of sophistication and deception, much like my attempts at speaking French after watching one episode of "Emily in Paris." As I hung it on my wall, positioning it just so, I couldn't help but feel a sense of accomplishment. Here I was, a grown adult, proudly displaying a fake flower as if it were the Mona Lisa of modern decor. It's the kind of ceramic artwork that makes guests say, "Oh, how lovely!" while secretly wondering if you've finally lost your marbles. But you know what? In a world where everything seems to wilt and fade, there's something oddly comforting about this eternal bloom. It's a little piece of June that lasts all year round, a reminder that sometimes the best things in life are completely artificial – just like my enthusiasm for kale smoothies.

• Year Designed: 2023
• Material: Ceramic
• Finish: Glazed
• Keyhole for Wall Hanging
• 3.7 inches diameter, 1.8 inches tall